The #1 reason that people don’t state what they want in a personal or business relationship is that they are afraid to risk the feelings we might feel if our request isn’t instantly honored or fulfilled. We want what we want…thought sometimes we’re not willing to risk asking or negotiating.  Yet, not questioning the status quo, ignoring our desires, pretending we don’t really want something that we really do want because the request or statement might make us uncomfortable? All of this — one way or another — lays the foundation for dissatisfaction in our relationships, our work lives and our life in general.

While many of us think we are great negotiators in business — 50% of marriages end in divorce.  Likely just as many are dissatisfied in their work lives — yet they spend lifetimes dissatisfied.  Why? I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we enter the marriage (or new jobs) with great hopes, while forgetting that we are each very different people, trying to succeed and all hoping to feel rewarded by life.  But, too often, we stop starting the oh-so-important negotiating conversations necessary to feel fulfilled, satisfied, enthusiastic and loved. Instead we want to assume or cast blame. So, instead of growing and learning to negotiate within our most important unions and roles — the urge rises to look elsewhere:  All just to protect the vulnerability involved in asking someone to help us fulfill our needs.

Today is a good day to ask yourself: What needs do I need fulfilled? How can I get more of what I need? What conversations are necessary to help me feel more fulfilled?