Life is a series of negotiations, starting with our parents, then teachers, friends, work environments, the mating game & ultimately with new families we may create or inherit. I once read that the first thing to decide before walking into any negotiation is what to do if the other party says ‘no.’ While it’s always good to have a plan…it’s equally important to have a plan if the answer is ‘yes.’
Not getting what we want often makes us work harder, develop new plans, reach out to new connections…or just make us decide: It’s just not for us.
Getting what we want? A whole new conundrum: Thus, the expression, “Be careful what you wish for because you might get it.”
When we get what we think we want, the stakes are raised, as are the insecurities. Are we ready to do the work? Do they really know who we are? Can we handle it? What if we’re not ready?
We’ve all had these situations of doubt. While success may be defined as getting what we want, we need to really think about: What do we want?
When we feel like we’re not getting what we want, often it’s because we’re actually not willing to do what is necessary to get it. Possibly the price is too high personally, emotionally, physically or otherwise. When observing people succeeding in careers, activities, relationships, and more— we may realize that it seems like they really want whatever it is they are succeeding at. It’s very important to them & they understand that if they want it, there’s nothing to lose by going for it & giving it their all. They’re not sitting back, waiting for anything. Rather, whether it’s courting a customer, mate, job—they’re getting out there & making it happen. The dreams have been replaced with doing…which may result in dreams coming true.
Now the person who’s been doing to get, may not feel like “their dreams are coming true” —while observers might trivialize it as such. Rather, the doer is likely to believe they’ve found something that’s making them happy & that they’re getting rewarded for working towards a goal. It’s not luck. It’s commitment to try & try again. Even when we’re tired of negotiating & wondering ‘why doesn’t someone just do what we want & notice how great we are?’ People are noticing. Unfortunately, too many of us quit because we stopped believing what we want is ours for the taking, if we work for it, possibly with a lot of compromises along the way.
Keep negotiating & finding new ways to get your vision recognized. And when it’s not being noticed, recognize that not getting what we want is actually a priceless experience that tends to make us stronger, better & more creative…assuming we keep finding new ways to negotiate our daily challenges.
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