There’s a line in a song by Jane’s Addiction that says: “I want them if they want me. I only know they want me.” For many years, through too many relationships, I completely related to that line. • I wanted people to want me. Yet the minute they did, I wondered what was wrong with them. • The issue wasn’t them. Some very fine people loved me dearly. • The issue was an emotional chip inside of me, that was misfiring. With desire to change my patterns, it has since been wholly repaired. • I know the exact day things went awry. But it is irrelevant to me today. I’ve done my best to release its hold. • Why? Because we can’t change the past but we can work to change ourselves & our perceptions as to how we choose to move forward. • I won’t ever say it is easy to rewire an emotional psyche: But, I know it is possible. • For any of us, if we want, that day can come, whereby we choose to own the fact that we have but one life to live. That life is short in the scheme of Time — but it is all we get and we can make it grand. • My flip wasn’t easy. I likely simply had had enough pain from trying to function in dysfunction mode. • I don’t regret that period, though I sometimes wish it could have unfolded differently. But it didn’t. And, if it did, I likely wouldn’t be who I am today. • Today I’m very aware of my good, bad and ugly. • Today I’m mostly good, with “moments.” I work hard to stop those moments before they become issues. I’m not perfect, but at 62, I’m perfectly comfortable with who I now am. • My needs are filled by me. Others in my life are big bonus gifts. I see them as people who choose to share their time with me, as I choose to share my time with them. • When something goes wrong? I look at me first and foremost. • My life is now a reflection of my thoughts, actions and deeds. Yes, S%&T still happens, but I’m stronger than ever to meet it: Sometimes stopping it; shrugging it off; or changing my perception to accept it. • I wasn’t always the me you see. It’s been a process: One that I expect to continue working on. Thank you for joining me on this adventure. I appreciate your company.
I’m @DianGriesel aka @SilverDisobedience