As holiday gatherings draw near, many of you have asked me to address how to live with emotional hurt that may have been inflicted by another. Here goes…but fair warning, it’s a tough love opinion put together as a collective of 8 thoughts.

  1. Life is short. There’s no better time than now to ask:  How do I benefit by replaying hurtful conversations or experiences that occurred in the past?
  2. Replaying these events do not in any way protect us in the present. Rather, these emotional replays of bad scenes just resurrect the original hurtful feelings giving them new life. 
  3. If in fact someone did “beat us up” in some way or another, we are beating ourselves up each time we recall the moment or relationship. It’s never good to beat yourself up.
  4. Everyone experiences times when emotions are blasting at 11 on the volume dial. Remember— emotions are equal opportunity feelings. Just like sadness can blast at 11…so can happiness.
  5. We’re each the boss of our life. So, if as the boss, professional help is necessary to cope — seek it. It’s there, but you have to want to accept it.
  6. Apologize if guilt is lingering and causing the emotional upheaval. While your apology may not be accepted, a sincere sorry still plants the seeds for healing.
  7. It’s a human responsibility for each of us to find constructive ways to cope, without losing control, behaving destructively or acting impulsively — towards others or ourselves. Again, this comes easy to some and others need support. Get it professionally as necessary if it’s time to change emotional patterns.
  8. Remember, life is short. Yes, I’m starting & ending that way. Life can be over for any of us at any time. Don’t waste it in anger. Do whatever is necessary to get back to love of yourself and the openness to love others as soon as you possibly can.

If it seems as if I’m simplifying emotional hurt — I am and I’m not. Except in cases of mental illness, we ultimately control our own head-space. This leaves us with two choices: Either 1) Seek professional help or 2) Commit to making every effort to explore whether a) there is a benefit of recollecting the ongoing hurt which compounds as we replay situations. b) With whatever we conclude, we have now become aware. So, c) When we are aware, we can begin to observe the obsessive thoughts when they arise and make conscious choices to change the programming to something more pleasant or act as necessary for resolution. 

Silver Disobedience® philosophy believes all healthy relationships begin with self-awareness. I’m @DianGriesel aka @SilverDisobedience ✨ I am a Perception Analyst and I wrote The Silver Disobedience Playbook. Here, I share my Daily Meditations for other Ageless, Passionate & Curious People.  More info in my bio, my websites and at Wilhelmina New York