When we start to think in opposites, it’s helpful to try to recognize we are in opinion mode and it’s quite likely that we’re heading for trouble or an argument. Zen philosophy says: “When the opposites arise, our inner connection with God is lost.”

Dualities are learned thinking. They look like this: “I’m right so you must be wrong” or “That’s pretty, so something otherwise is ugly.” 

There are dualities everywhere and in much of our daily thought processes. 

What happened is, as children, our duality-mind formed to help us cope—because society teaches duality as a way to control the masses. 

The result? 

When someone disagrees with how we feel, think or see something, we’ve been conditioned to believe that one of us must be wrong. We think that all we need to do is explain our position—and the other will understand their wrongness and our rightness. The argument develops because we think the other cannot possibly be listening to us if they don’t “get our point…our rightness” … or worse, that we haven’t been clear so we start monologuing ad nauseam—or until everyone’s anger starts to elevate.   

If we see our dual-mindedness as a conditioned mind, one that has been taught that opposites are absolutes (incorrect!), we can try to release this thinking and stop assuming that one must be right or wrong. Instead, maybe we can see different perspectives—allowing them to coexist with all being “okay”—whether we agree or not. 

Releasing the restrictions of the dual-mindset is the only way that we can really be open to all the possibilities of life and relationships—which are made up of people who have come from different experiences than us, and are quite likely to think differently from us as well. 

When we only want to be right, we are choosing our rightness over the importance of the other person in our life. In our hearts, we know this is wrong. 

PS: This is an excerpt from my book, The Silver Disobedience Playbook, available on Amazon.

I’m @DianGriesel aka a perception analyst & strategist; creative attitude disrupter, & adjuster; author of The Silver Disobedience Playbook & TurboCharged: The Silver Disobedience Edition; and the blogger & model known as @SilverDisobedience  More info on my websites (search my name) and at Wilhelmina Models. Silver Disobedience® is a Registered Trademark.